Otherwise how will I get a cult following?
Anyhoodle, a tiny rant for now, and later I shall discuss the ins and outs of me staying at home all day freaking long with a one year old. And not killing myself.
We saw Batman Begins on Monday night and it would have been an extremely enjoyable experience if not for the seven children sitting behind us. Thus, this letter.
Dear Mr. Rasta Man,
While I fully support you in your endeavor to have as many children as possible under thirteen years old (how disappointing there were only seven!) and I applaud your kindness in taking them all to a movie they are not, technically, old enough to see, I have a major problem with the fact that you did not sit with them.
Perhaps, sir, if you had taken the opportunity to sit with your children, or maybe even in the row behind them, I could have enjoyed the movie. You see, your son and daughter (I assume their gender, since their hair was of equal lengths and they were not old enough for their voices to have changed) kicked my seat, and that of my husband, approximately 847 times within a 2 1/2 hour period. They also got up to use the bathroom (leaning heavily on the back of our seats on their way to and from, causing us to be pushed forward and then fall back very quickly) approximately 22 times. You are lucky I don't have whiplash. In addition, they pushed their feet against the back of our chairs, shoving us forward, about 456 times. Not to even mention the fact that they talked throughout the entire movie, since they were all too young to understand quite a bit of what happened.
I support you in your endeavors to throw birth control out the window and overpopulate America with rude and inconsiderate children. Really, it's your right. But perhaps next time you decide to blow a hundred bucks and take all seven spoiled rotten brats to the movies, you could sit near them. Or perhaps, though this is novel, you could take them to an age-appropriate film, so all the other eight-to-eleven year olds could kick the back of your seats and see how much you enjoy it.
Thanks a lot for ruining not only a movie my husband has been waiting over a year to see, but the first night we've had out alone in a very long time. My only solace is that it will be a cold day in hell before you and Mrs. Fertility get any time to yourselves. And you deserve it. Next time take the hundred bucks and buy your kids some fucking manners.