Tuesday, May 30, 2006

She's baaaaaaaaaa-aaaack!

Sorry guys, I never meant to be gone for long, but somehow my vacation week stretched into two.
It was hella hot in Arkinsaw but it is EXTRA hot here--and true to its nature, our car has lost its air. There is nothing more awful than driving around on the first truly hot day of the year with no air conditioning. I was soaked in sweat and so sick to my stomach I thought I would die.
I know I sound like a wimp, but I come from a family that does not deal well with heat. My brother ended up in the ER severely dehydrated every year that he played sports, as did my mom. I usually got off with just a migraine or barfing. We also sunburn to blistering within an hour of un-sunscreened exposure. It's pretty yucky.
All in all, I think I got pretty screwed genetically. I'm predisposed to depression and anxiety, I have the same issues with my girly parts as my mother and grandmother did, I get migraines just like both of them, and though both of my parents are great at sports, I suck, and my brother got both all the good looks and the athletic talent.
So today it was a-frikkin-hundred degrees here. I was sweating everywhere two seconds after I walked out of the house. Then I tripped over my concrete stairs, went down like a ton of bricks, had to go back in and band-aid myself...by the time I actually got to the bus stop, damp and irritable, I wanted to cry.
Nothing sucks more than coming back to the reality of your daily life after a vacation.
At least I have my adoring public...~snerk~

Monday, May 15, 2006

T-Minus 48 hours...

I am supposed to be Doing Things right now, namely cleaning and packing and also getting ready for work, where I would be handing in my resignation if this wasn't my last day for the next two weeks. Between resignations, family emergencies, vacations, and understaffing, Jennifer and I have taken a beating in the last few weeks. Understandably we were a bit testy with each other yesterday. Our "help" from another store ended up being not much more than warm bodies. I actually feel a bit guilty this morning that I am going on vacation and she is not...of course, I have been without a vacation for the past year and she has only been at my store for three months, but it's been three months without a chunk of time off. And that gets old, fast.
I should also be updating my food journal, and I should clean the bathroom as well. I have to leave for work in three short hours.
I have a headache the size of Montana.
Leila and I fly out at 6:10 AM on Wednesday to see my family and friends in Arkansas. I am crazy excited. I'll see my friend Liv, from high school, who lives on the other side of the country, and I will attend her sister's bridal shower, which seems so strange and surreal. They both adore kids in a not-irritating way, (you know what I mean, all, "wook at da wittle CUTIE PIE,") they're very matter-of-fact and talk to kids like, you know, little humans. Which they are. Anyway, they are dying to meet Leila and I, of course, am dying to show her off. She is the cutest and smartest baby ever, you know.
I guess I should stop calling her a baby. She'll be two in a month and she's crazy advanced. Her sentences are a little backwards and muddled, but she's bilingual, so that's normal.
I had the Worst Mother's Day Ever, which was really bad when you consider it coming on the heels of the Worst Birthday Ever, just over a month ago. Feroze and I had a huge fight in the morning and thus all of our plans were spoiled for the rest of the day. We just went through the motions, basically. Then on Sunday I had to work all day, and it was crazy busy. I mean CRAZY. Then in the car on the way home I burst into tears and yelled at Feroze until he decided that the only way he could prove his love to me was to drive down to Alexandria and get me kabobs from Kabob Palace. I was starving and drained, and the little place was stuffed to the gills with people, so we drove BACK home with our food, listening to "The Big Show" on NPR just like we did last year.
I had a hard time falling and staying asleep--it has been almost two weeks since I last had a good night's sleep--and this morning I have a huge headache and it is a rainy Monday and I just know that it will be dead at work tonight, but that's okay. I will bring tons of new merchandise onto the floor and help rework the sale section so that Jamie doesn't freaking die when she comes back from Puerto Rico and sees the store looking like a hot mess.
This may be my last update for a bit, but rest assured that I'll be back before June arrives with sweltering DC heat.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Something's Afoot!

Over at The Shrinker one of my girlfriends is recording her struggle battle with weight loss. She and I have been discussing co-blogging through a weight loss plan and fitness regimen for months, and she finally got her blog up--now it's my turn.
I'm in a difficult position as far as exercising goes. I've recently started the steroid shots for my chronic pain and I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous (like pick up a two year old) but on the other hand, it's warm outside, and I'm doing a lot of walking. I figure it can't hurt to get off the bus a few stops early, or powerwalk around the mall in the morning before work. About two weeks after the third shot I'll have the go-ahead to do some low-impact type things.
I may have mentioned this, but my baby brother is getting married in July, and I am a bridesmaid. Everyone involved in the wedding has put on weight due to stress in our individual lives, from the bride herself right down to my mom, we're all struggling. My mom has her variety of drugs that are taking away her appetite, but right now I have no such help.
One of my biggest issues since graduating high school has been impulse control. Back then, I was a model of self-control. I was abstinent, I didn't swear, drink, smoke, or do drugs. I ate normal portions at meals (I could never finish my meals at Chili's) and I ate my mom's cooking most of the time. We didn't keep a lot of stuff in the house--we were poor--so if I munched it was typically on apples or generic cornflakes.
Fast forward. I'm the one in charge of the groceries, and I buy a mess of ice cream, cereal, candy, chips, popcorn, coke, etc. I'm not running myself ragged with school activities and I definitely don't munch on apples for snacks.
I've never been a really active person as far as sports and exercise go. The biggest change in my life has been sheer consumption of junk. I want to change this. For one thing, I am terribly affected by what I eat. If I eat grease, I feel terrible, sick and lethargic and depressed. But if I eat fresh food, like apples and crispy salads, then I feel energized! Healthy! Light! When I eat sweets I feel so heavy...when I eat a light, savory meal, I feel so good.
So why am I still eating McDonald's and Edy's Ice Cream? Simply put, I have no willpower. I am lazy. I indulge in my every craving...I don't know how to moderate.
Well, I'm kicking my own rear into gear. Tomorrow begins a food journal. You can find it at The Shrinkers because I'm so terribly original.
I will also be documenting something else over there, under the "Mood" category...this will remain my makeup-n-mommy blog, but that one will be dealing with my health, with my eating, with That Thing We Don't Talk About, and also with my sanity. Which is fragile right now.
So you can choose! Do you want to read about mascara and Finding Nemo? Do you want to pretend that I live a fabulous life with no problems? Then stay over here. But if you don't mind getting down to the nitty-gritty and reading an OCD-esque log of my food and drug intake, you can head on over yonder, and shrink with us.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Le Sigh.

Today was one of those days where I'd convinced myself I was a horrible person before I'd even gotten out of bed and was fighting with my husband before eight o' clock. I went to work convinced I was fat and was sniffling an apology to Feroze an hour later.
Then he picked me up and we went for a long drive, down to VA for Kebab Palace (best. kebabs. ever.) then back up to Potomac to look at the pretty houses, all the while pleasantly chitchatting amongst ourselves.
I blame the pressure in the air. A gray sky hung over the District damply, and everything had a vaguely spoiled smell, like the rain waited so long to break that it went bad. I won't make the obvious comparison to my life, I'm sure you can infer it.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Fluff Piece

--How come celebrities always stand all funky? Toes in, toes out, hips thrusted, head cocked--why can't they just STAND there?

--With all that money, don't you think they could find someone who would tell them the truth about how awfulterriblescary their clothes are most of the time? I mean, who let SJP out of the house in that heinous dress she wore to the Met benefit? Who let her think that was a good idea?!

This is a Public Service Announcement:

If you are riding a bus in the DC Metro area, and you see a chubby redhead in fabulous Versace glasses, that's me. Please don't sit next to me unless you are small enough to only take up one seat, smell nice, and are reasonably sane. Also, from one chubby girl to another: If your cheekspread covers three seats? And just lumbering down the bus has you all out of breath and cranky? You might want to consider getting off a couple stops early, and possibly forgo that box of Ho-Hos I see in your grocery bag. It's for your own good, really, because if you lose a few pounds I won't have to stab you with a pencil the next time I have to stand up all the way from Rockville to Silver Spring because you've taken more than your fair share of seating.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Laws of Parenting, Part 1

IF you are so tired you are dozing in front of the computer, and your child runs upstairs to visit with her grandma, so you lay down on the couch, the child will come back downstairs the instant you fall asleep, followed by her aunt, hollering that the child needs a diaper change.
IF you then sniff the child, determine the stink is of gas origin as opposed to solid, and send her BACK upstairs, the instant you fall back asleep her grandma will then begin yelling down the stairs that there is actual solid poop in the diaper and also she is leaving, so come get the child.
And then, IF you resign yourself to not getting a nap, change the child's diaper, smack yourself in the face a few times to wake up, make everyone lunch, and sit down for some quality time with your blogs, your child will promptly fall asleep face-first into her corn and chicken, and then you will cry, because you're never going to fall back asleep now.

The Sea Monkey Has My Money.

The floodgates have opened and we are officially a Nemo household. The Leila-ized pronunciation is "Ne-nah-mo," repeated in a keening wail until one of us breaks down and puts the movie in and allows her to rot her tender little brain. I have most of the movie memorized, and I keep trying to get her to enjoy "Shrek" or "Ice Age" but I guess they're just not as visually appealling. It looks like I'm going to have to break down and purchase some Elmo videos or something.

I'm about a week into my latest plan to take care of myself better. This plan does not really involve a change in eating habits as I've proven myself totally incapable of that. I've just been drinking a lot of water, walking more, and most importantly, dressing nicely, fixing my hair, and wearing at least a little makeup every day. It's really improved my outlook. When I look in the mirror, I see a real live grown up who cares about her appearance, instead of a pasty blob with frizzy hair. Once I get my haircut I will probably feel even better. It's really weighing my face down right now. I'm hoping all the walking I have been doing will help me lose weight, but I'm not focusing on losing weight, you know? It is pointless and frustrating. I'm trying to eat a bit less sweets and go back to fruit, which I tend to do during the summer anyway, and I've cut down on the coffee. (Switch to passion tea lemonade with lots of sweet-n-low.)

I am totally rambling! You know, I come up with these thought-out, hilarious posts, with lots of funny metaphors, jokes, and anecdotes, but then when I sit down to write, that stuff just doesn't come out! Bear with me...hopefully I'll strike some sort of balance.