Sunday, February 26, 2006


Instead of giving me Ambien, my Gyn recommended that I start taking my Zoloft in the morning instead of at night. This has led to a small issue, namely being delirious all day. In addition, Claritin + Zoloft + Percocet = Feeling like you're walking on a Moonbounce all day.
I do have an appointment with a pain management clinic, and I am also looking for a good psychiatrist. Hopefully the first will give me something better than Percocet (on the phone, they said something about an epidural shot. I find that pretty terrifying.) and the second will give me Ambien and some sort of fast acting panic attack warder-offer, and also? I think I need a higher dose of Zoloft.
Whee! Meds R Us! I am a Prozac Nation unto myself over here. :-)
I need a nap, seriously. I have no idea how I will get through work tonight. Luckily it's only about five hours. I like Sundays because the shifts are shorter, but the clients don't seem to want to leave the store at six. And then they're like, "Oh, the whole mall closes at six?"
Yes, just like EVERY OTHER SUNDAY FOR AS LONG AS THE MALL HAS BEEN HERE. And we have pretty strict rules; our DM doesn't want us to close the doors, turn off the music, or tell the clients that the store is closed...which means that all the people who walk past and see the doors open decide to just "pop in" Sunday one of the other stores was open for an hour and forty five minutes after the mall closed, because people just kept coming in.
I don't mind that much if they actually buy something, but coming in, screwing around, trying some stuff on, and then buying one sale shirt or not buying anything at all? People, have a care for your poor salesperson!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Pretend you didn't read this, part 2.

My heart hurts today. I do my best, most days, to be "content" and make plans and lists for how we will conquer our current issues, but one issue probably won't go away anytime soon and it is eating at me.
I've always been a big believer in religion, in the power of God. That hasn't changed, but my perspective has, quite a bit.
That being said, I've bounced back and forth over several ideas throughout the past few years. Now that Leila is getting older I realize (frightened) that she will soon understand a lot of things and we will need to begin her religious education.
...? Where will we begin it? She already mimics my in-laws in their daily prayers, but who will support me if I sing "Jesus loves me?"
At some point I will have to be done crying about this, but far and above any other issue, this is the most difficult aspect of my marriage to Feroze.
I miss God.

Mommy Matters.

The phone rings. I see it is Joy. Without so much as a hello, this is how our conversation goes:
Me: "If it doesn't stop snowing, we are going to have a problem here, because I will kill this child."
Joy: "So I wasn't the only one dismayed to see the snow this morning? My phone rang really early and I thought it was you, but it was a nasty message from my landlord about the proper disposal of shredded paper in the recycling bin, then I saw the snow and I was like, damn iiiiiiiit!!"

And, well, that's how I think it will be today. The snow has turned into miniscule drops of icy coldness, but anyone who's ever wrestled an almost-two-year-old into a carseat knows that icy coldness=instant shrieking. And even though I want Joy to come over, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, much less a fellow mother.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Obligatory Blizzard Pics.

Everybody else posted turn!

View from the front porch...
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Our house...
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Daddy makes a snowball...
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And Leila tries to kick it!
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One more of the cute hat:
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The Princess Herself.

In her hat, during the Blizzard of '06...
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With her newest most oft-used hairstyle, pigtails...
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(Erin, you can see that I was talking to you via AIM when I took this, ha!)

In her Valentine's Day dress from Target, say what you will about them, they have cute kids clothes.
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My brain, she is dead.

I can't remember if I posted about this already but I have a wicked case of insomnia, and it is kicking my butt. I feel like a zombie, and it is not helped by a nasty allergy attack. Plus it is cold, and the heater is broken at my work. And this morning I was chasing Leila and I accidentally kicked the back of her foot and something went crunch in my toe...and it hurts.
(Insert whiny voice at your discretion)
And five piles of laundry later? The house still looks like a bomb hit it. Plus I had hoped to get all the laundry done before going to work, but I washed a load that was huge and the dryer doesn't seem to want to dry it.
Leila stained her brand-effing new shirt. I keep shopping for pants for her but can't get any deals. Gymboree is calling me with its siren song and I have to run past it on my way into work. Ditto for the makeup counters--it was Lancome gift time and I am on day eight of my not-buying-new-makeup resolution.
(Okay, whiny voice over.)
So last night I saw these awesome shoes and I nearly squeed in my pants. I walked around the store with them for awhile, hoping my husband would offer to buy them for me. He didn't. And they are expensive. But God, I am enamoured of them. I must have them. With a yellow shirtdress, they would be perfect. A pencil skirt and a button down. Linen pants and an eyelet lace shirt.
So. For that price, I must make a choice. I was saving up for this handbag but now I may buy the shoes. I don't know. Both are ridiculously priced, but they are haunting my dreeeeeeeams.
Holy crap. It is almost March and we haven't done our taxes yet. This is not good.
Yesterday I got Leila a cute outfit at Old Navy for half-off. A little tee shirt with hearts on it and ruffly sleeves, and a denim skirt with a ruffle. I was five seconds from matching shoes (white with a heart print) but Feroze (let's just use his name. It's easier.) said no way, she does NOT need shoes.
Yes she does. I will buy them online this weekend.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Obnoxiousness, self control, and grumblecakes.

Leila has the most annoying toy EVER. I bought it for her, as with most of her toys and clothes, and I thought it was just the neatest thing--a camera that looks JUST LIKE a real camera, flashes, etc, but only cost $4 as opposed to our expensive digital one that she always wants to play with.
There's just one small problem.
The music it plays. It's a quick dance beat with a child shouting something ("bam! po! Bam! po!" is what it sounds like) and unlike most toys, which shut themselves off after a moment, it plays over and over until you press the button to turn it off.
Currently, it has been playing for about ten minutes. It's in Leila's bedroom and I can still hear it, even over the dishwasher. Typically her musical toys don't bother me, I can tune them out with the greatest of ease, which is funny, because the irritating Muzak at my work drives me insane and I can never ignore it.
I am sorry for the lack of posting lately but I have made a commitment to myself to try to have some self control and be more careful with my money, and the first thing to get cut was makeup. Do you all know how much makeup I own? Waaay too much. So I am not allowed to buy anything until I run out of one of my essentials, mascara, powder, or foundation. I have enough blush, lipstick, lip gloss, and eyeshadow to last ten women for well over a year.
My reviews from now on will probably be more about food, books, clothes, and the products we buy for our home improvement project. (More on that later.)
Likewise, I have eight different shampoos and conditioners, four or five facial masks, and a hundred billion lotions--so I'm not allowed to buy that, either. I made a big note to myself in my little notebook that I carry with me not to buy those things no matter how shiny and tempting they are. Plus I realized recently that the best cure for my dry winter feet and hands is Vaseline and a pair of socks (or gloves)--which is about $2 at Target for a big ole tub.
I bought a book entitled How to Live Your Life at Half the Price (While Still Living the Life You Love) and while I definitely don't intend to follow it to the letter, there are some really great suggestions in there. All of which I have read a million times before, basically, but this time I saw them in a whole new light. We need to save money so we have a contingency fund. So we can send Leila to Montessori preschool next year. So we can remodel our apartment this summer and so that I can get a car. We need more money so I can have another baby in about a year, and afford to only work two days a week. It was while reading her book and talking to my friend Joy that I realized how much less we could be living on while not sacrificing too much--and how blessed we are to have that advantage. I told Joy that when the in-laws kick off we'll move upstairs and rent her our apartment for half the cost of the one she lives in now...I feel like we're blessed and we should share it. Sadly, by the time they actually do kick off, Joy will probably be safely in Texas, where the living costs are cut in half, and I will be jealous, because she will be close to her parents and I will still be here. Grr.

Monday, February 13, 2006

What Dreams May Come

Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep I've had in a few weeks. Since I started taking Zoloft my sleep has been deep and long, which was nice, because I was becoming cranky with the insomnia.
However, in the meantime, between laying awake feeling sorry for myself, I had some interesting dreams...including one that made me very happy and very sad...
I have to preface this by referring again to the very close relationships I had in and after high school. Sadly, most of them are no more, but one lost guy wrankles with me constantly.
Jamie (not his real name) became a member of my youth group my junior or senior year, I can't remember which. He was a basketball star, but sweet and shy. We became friends through a series of small gestures: He was sitting alone after church, I went and made small talk. I was walking by him and a group of his friends at school, he waved and said,"Hey." Our mothers were friends and I learned about his life, he invited me to FCA, etc, etc. Eventually we went to the same small college, I supported him when his girlfriend dumped him somewhat viciously. He would play his guitar, and we would sing, or talk about music. When I moved to California, and then back, he was spending a lot of time at my apartment and by that point, we were incredibly close. We'd been through so much together and understood each other. (I thought)
Something happened. It was small, but his allegations that I was basically a clueless meddler were some of the last words he spoke to me. He started using drugs, distanced himself from me. Now we're both married with kids, living states apart, and I'm still pissed. Jamie was someone I trusted implicitly. Someone I thought I would call when I got engaged, someone who would smile at my wedding, who would send a card when my daughter was born. Instead I get updates from my mom and my little brother (best friends with his little brother) and occasionally from my old roommate. Anyway. One of the many dreams I had involved two of the guys in my little circle when I lived in the ghetto apartment. They were hanging out with me, we were our age but still single, still around that ghetto apartment. I asked one of the guys if he had heard from Jamie recently; he said no, and about that time Jamie showed up. He was sweet but distant, not really talking much to me. Some time later he went outside and I followed (okay, maybe the meddling allegations had some truth to them) and he turned around and grinned at me, and said, "I want to talk to you," and we went and sat on a bench together, him holding my hand. And then he sang a song about, basically, not realizing how important your friends are until they're gone. And then I cried a little bit and we both apologized and it rocked. Even in my dream I knew I had so much to tell him.
Then I woke up and for a while I thought it was a memory, and I was so relieved. When I realized I'd dreamed the whole thing, I wanted to cry. I'm at a point now where I'm dying to rekindle some of my old friendships, but this is one that probably won't ever come around...
Sorry for blathering on and on. France will know who I'm talking about because she's heard me whine about this several times but for everyone else--sorry for being such an angsty twentysomething today.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Pretty Shiny Things

1) Absolutely the most gorgeous shade of turquoise ever, I am wearing my new Prescriptives eye shadow in Marine with my already-reviewed Urban Decay Liquid Eyeliner in Chains. I feel like a fashionista, but I love rocking cool shades of eye shadow during the day. The shade is not exactly as heavily pigmented as I would like, but it only takes two applications to get a really bright look. It's a greeny-turquoise with a very fine gold shimmer and it's incredibly silky.
2) Also bought a thick lip gloss from Prescriptives' new Spring collection of rosy shades. It's Plasmic Plum 03 and it's a great shade that I think anyone could wear. I've been shopping around for a nice plum lipstick or gloss and I think this one is it. It is incredibly thick and doesn't last as well as I hoped, and the brush is kind of gloopy--this is one you really need a mirror for. I combined it with my Lancome Star Gloss in Pink Glow and was happy with the outcome. Just the right shade for my winter-pale skin.
3)(There is a Clinique Gift with Purchase right now with a repairwear lip balm that you apply at night that I will be getting today and can't wait to try out.)
4) For Estee Lauder's GWP I bought a Pure Color Eyeshadow Duo in Moondance and was sorely disappointed. It is a nice taupe with a circle of forest green in the middle, and while the taupe is a nice basic, the green is so light that it makes my eyes look bruised and took ten minutes just to get some color out of it. Definitely not something I would buy again.
5) I did get something good out of the deal, Tender Blush in True Sand is a great coral-y neutral, one of the best and most natural blushes I've found.
6) Picked up Maybelline's Roller Color Loose Eyeshadow in Spin Around Brown. It was on clearance at Target and I had been wanting to try it out. I have to say, again, I was disappointed. You have to press really hard to get any color to come out (and it is VERY sparkly) and that's pretty uncomfortable on delicate eyes. However, I do think it would be nice in place of full eye makeup on a casual day.
7) Got Patricia Wexler's No-Injection Lip Plumper at Bath and Body Works and like it much better than Lip Venom, but still doesn't give the effect I see on other people. Maybe my lips are just uncooperative.
8) Snatched up Back to Basics Vanilla Plum Fortifying Shampoo on clearance for 80% off and will be returning for the conditioner. Smells fabulous and made my hair super soft, perfect for days when I don't use my straightening shampoo.
9) Also on clearance, OPI's Mini Spree, four mini polishes, a purple-red, an orange-red, a silver glitter and a gold glitter. Wasted no time in painting my nails orange-red and Leila's with the gold glitter. Tons of fun.
10) Love Johnson and Johnson's BabySoft Body Wash, definitely recommend it for dry winter skin. Smells yummy too, like a baby's head.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


1) My child is so cranky today that I let her play with whatever she wanted and fed her sweetarts for breakfast.
2) I have picked up a charming quirk from my mother, the phrase "We are some (noun)-(verb)ing people around here." As in, as I stood at the closet at my workplace, staring at approximately ten bottled waters, "We are some water-drinking people around here." Or, when I grabbed a huge stack of mail last night, "We are some mail-getting people around here."
3)The makers of children's medicines should be forced to try to feed it to a screaming, writhing, kicking, spitting toddler. Then they would understand why they need to make it TASTE BETTER.
4)If you, a member of management, have been very, very late several times in the past few weeks, and someone finally calls you on it? You should not, then, leave a message on that person's answering machine threatening to get them in trouble for not doing something when it is something they are not even allowed to do.