Friday, November 24, 2006

Putting the "Manic" in "Manic Depression"

Alternate title: The North Pole of Bipolar.

So the thing is that me manic and depressed mostly shows itself through a lot of teeth-grinding and insomnia and no will to do actual housework or whatever, but me manic and not depressed can be pretty awesome. Last night I did not sleep at. All. At five thirty this morning I finally put my head to the pillow and slept badly for about an hour and a half. At seven my alarm went off. Black Friday, and to work for a wench like me! I got Leila dressed and ready (she looks ubercute in cuffed jeans and a polka dotted top) and then I got dressed superduper fast and pulled my hair back and whizzed out the door and zinged into the car and jumped out at the mall, grabbed my coffee, and didn't look back.
I had a $2,000 sale before ten thirty, including FOUR cashmere sweaters. I banged out the rest of my shift and then ran over to Lord & Taylor to tackle their amazing sale. I spent sixty dollars and got two shirts for Leila, a "Belle" of Beauty and the Beast doll (for Leila, her first dolly of that type. She thought it was super neato for about two seconds.) and an outfit for each of my three nieces, plus two awesome kits with wooden beads for bracelet making for them to take home and torment their mother with. (I always give them craft related gifts and clothes. It's a thing.)Some of the pieces ended up being priced as low as pants for $3.74. It was awesome. I tried on a corduroy skirt for me that was an unbelievable price, but it was too tight, and even period bloat could not excuse how awful it looked. Also tried on a DKNY tee that was TEN BUCKS and it was cute and all, but a bit tight, and truth be told, I'd rather put ten bucks towards my kid anyway.
I have been REALLY GOOD about saving my money and I had to give the girls good-bye gifts, so I don't feel guilty.
I then went to Gap and I do feel a little guilty about the stuff I bought there. But I needed another present and then they had these really cute tees on sale! I got a super soft henley for $16.97, and two tees for Leila for $6.97, plus an adorable dress for the youngest niece for $7.97. Two pair of over the knee socks for my sister in law who loves socks pushed me to fifty bucks. $110 and a whole mess o' goodies later, I am still riding high.
I walked to the bus stop and all over creation because the MetroBus dropped me off in some random-ass spot on the side of 29. I feel like a million bucks. I need to go grocery shopping, but I'll settle for the laundry and a general clean-up.

God help us all, if I don't get sleep tonight.

Leila-ism of the day: "Mommy, turn on the light. Thank you, Mommy, for light. Thank you, Allah, for light."

Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Worst (or least dependable) Blogger Ever.

My friend France: "You must really be in a funk. You never write in your blog anymore."
The voice in my guilty, guilty head: "You are not blogging. You are not using a god-given talent. Instead you are scrolling through endless nasty gossip sites about celebrities who don't matter to you and movies you'll never see. YOU NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH WITH ANYTHING BAAAAAAAH!!"
Other voice in head: "Waaaaah I never follow through with anyyyyythiiiiiiiiiing. I'm such a bad peeeeeersssssssoooooooon." (sob)

So. Okay. Hi. Trying this thing one more time. At least.

On my list of things to actually follow through with, as facilitated by friends and cheerleaders:
1) Driving lessons. Important. Must. learn. to. drive.
2) Saving money. Checking account should not dwindle down to double digits.
3) Healthy eating, helped along by:
4) Meal planning, and,
5) Grocery shopping! (Husband should not have to eat grilled cheese for dinner more than once in a blue moon when wife likes to cook. Is a good cook. Also a lazy biatch.)
6) Consistent mental health care. Taking meds. Seeing therapist. Very important! (Did you know I'm "bipolar"? They say I am. I can see it.)
7) Consistent general health care, including regular exercise of some sort. I know, I know. I always say that. But I mean it this time! Also, walking to the bus stop does not count! I mean, it counts, but not as the only exercise of the whole day. Especially since soon I will not be walking because remember? I am Getting My License.
8) Standing up for myself on the job. I am only working certain hours, or I am finding another damn job. Period, people. Seriously. Do I look like a doormat? I must. But I am determined to erase that "Welcome!" from my forehead!

Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking about the things I've done wrong in my marriage/with my child. One of the things I feel truly terrible about happened a lot at the beginning of our marriage: people would invite us over, mainly extended relatives of my in-laws, and we would not go. I would always whine and give a lot of excuses--I don't speak Bengali, too many people will be there, I have social anxiety, I don't feel good, etc, etc. My husband's aunts and uncles are all extremely nice. They have been so sweet to me from the very first time we met. Now I am hellbent on accepting every invitation I can, and today we had three separate Thanksgiving dinners, one of which was cooked specifically because I mentioned that I was sad that I wasn't going to get to cook this year. Can you believe the utter awesomeness of that? She even had pumpkin pie and twice baked mashed potatoes--and the woman had never cooked a turkey dinner in her life!
It made up for the fact that her mother asked me why I have gotten so fat and then told my husband to stop feeding me. Three times.
I wanted to explain to her the intricacies of Depakote, but somehow, I don't think there is a good translation for "My crazy meds make me fat and cranky."