Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Worst (or least dependable) Blogger Ever.

My friend France: "You must really be in a funk. You never write in your blog anymore."
The voice in my guilty, guilty head: "You are not blogging. You are not using a god-given talent. Instead you are scrolling through endless nasty gossip sites about celebrities who don't matter to you and movies you'll never see. YOU NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH WITH ANYTHING BAAAAAAAH!!"
Other voice in head: "Waaaaah I never follow through with anyyyyythiiiiiiiiiing. I'm such a bad peeeeeersssssssoooooooon." (sob)

So. Okay. Hi. Trying this thing one more time. At least.

On my list of things to actually follow through with, as facilitated by friends and cheerleaders:
1) Driving lessons. Important. Must. learn. to. drive.
2) Saving money. Checking account should not dwindle down to double digits.
3) Healthy eating, helped along by:
4) Meal planning, and,
5) Grocery shopping! (Husband should not have to eat grilled cheese for dinner more than once in a blue moon when wife likes to cook. Is a good cook. Also a lazy biatch.)
6) Consistent mental health care. Taking meds. Seeing therapist. Very important! (Did you know I'm "bipolar"? They say I am. I can see it.)
7) Consistent general health care, including regular exercise of some sort. I know, I know. I always say that. But I mean it this time! Also, walking to the bus stop does not count! I mean, it counts, but not as the only exercise of the whole day. Especially since soon I will not be walking because remember? I am Getting My License.
8) Standing up for myself on the job. I am only working certain hours, or I am finding another damn job. Period, people. Seriously. Do I look like a doormat? I must. But I am determined to erase that "Welcome!" from my forehead!

Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking about the things I've done wrong in my marriage/with my child. One of the things I feel truly terrible about happened a lot at the beginning of our marriage: people would invite us over, mainly extended relatives of my in-laws, and we would not go. I would always whine and give a lot of excuses--I don't speak Bengali, too many people will be there, I have social anxiety, I don't feel good, etc, etc. My husband's aunts and uncles are all extremely nice. They have been so sweet to me from the very first time we met. Now I am hellbent on accepting every invitation I can, and today we had three separate Thanksgiving dinners, one of which was cooked specifically because I mentioned that I was sad that I wasn't going to get to cook this year. Can you believe the utter awesomeness of that? She even had pumpkin pie and twice baked mashed potatoes--and the woman had never cooked a turkey dinner in her life!
It made up for the fact that her mother asked me why I have gotten so fat and then told my husband to stop feeding me. Three times.
I wanted to explain to her the intricacies of Depakote, but somehow, I don't think there is a good translation for "My crazy meds make me fat and cranky."

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