I am a bit behind on posting this, but a few weeks ago I took a tumble, and felt that I needed to put it up here in order to establish precedence. Because something like this will happen again. And you need to know how spectacularly clumsy I am.
On the first day of seventh grade, I tripped over a rock, breaking my middle finger. It's still a bit crooked. In sixth grade, I wrecked my bike into a guardrail/fence, leaving scars on my lip and chin. (You can still see them if you're paying attention, especially now that I don't wear makeup.) I also have a scar from when I was four--my cousin dropped me on my head, sending me skidding into the corner of the oven. Obviously this runs in the family. Oh! And! My knee has a nice scar--I was around ten, and tripped over the edge of one of those inflatable pools. God, I'm awesome.
I think tonight takes the cake, though. Not many people can cause their bodies this much harm by falling on the carpet.
See, I take this medication, trileptal, and it makes me dizzy and generally drunk-acting. But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, after it wears off a bit, so I take ambien, too. I work at four in the morning, so I go to bed pretty early, and usually only wake up once, around 12 or so. Tonight, I had a nightmare, and my nightmare woke me up. I thought I needed to pee, so I crawled out of bed, stood up, and tipped right over. But wow, I really have to pee, and I'm still sort of in this nightmare, and need to do something really important. (Don't remember what.) So I started making my way to the bathroom, made it almost there, and BOOM, y'all, I went down like a ton of bricks. And it HURT. I'd gone face-first into the carpet, biting my lip hard, and banging my knee (which I injured when I tripped and fell on the sidewalk three weeks ago)
I howled. Like a crazed baby. There was blood everywhere, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I couldn't see straight, because I was so dizzy. Blood dripped all over the carpet, onto my arms, smeared all over my face. I decided it was from biting my lips. I got to the bathroom and pulled myself up to the sink (still can't see straight) I rinsed my arms and face off, but am still bleeding actively from my mouth. Cry some more. Decide to crawl back to bed (literally) and sob the whole way there, because my knee hurts.
I call Feroze. Maybe he can come over and see what's wrong with me? He doesn't pick up. David says I should go to the emergency room, but I can't g et it together enough to get a cab. I fall back asleep, still bleeding. Feroze calls me back at 11:30 and instructs me to get up and put a washcloth with ice in it over my cut. I can finally see straight, so I limp into the bathroom.
Oh, holy fuck.
I've cut a huge, fleshy gash right below the left side of my lip. It looks like I stopped just short of biting my own damn lip off. I close my mouth and my jaw shoots blinding pain up into my temple. I have scabby carpet burn on the left side of my face.
Feroze drove me to the emergency room, where they x-rayed my jaw and my knee, said I probably just sprained them, and cleaned out my huge, nasty cut. My doctor said it is a cut with clean edges, so he wants to just let it heal instead of stitching it. I just stared at him, because oh my lord, does this cut look awful to me. He sees it on my face, and reassures me that he's doing the best thing.
Holy Fuck, does my face hurt this morning. They gave me percocet, which I am going to have filled, and an irrigation solution for my mouth. The left side of my lip is so swollen my mouth doesn't close right. I look like a prize fighter, and I am definitely going to have another scar. A large one.
Now, as a follow up, I'd like to let you know that I no longer look like a prizefighter. I have a nicely forming scar directly under my lower lip, with a lovely lump of scar tissue involved. Mostly, I look normal. My fake smile, my favorite smile of all time for dealing with customers and other assholes, is impossible to give now. When I stretch my lips over my teeth, the lump shows, and looks scary. Gotta figure out a new way to show disdain. Tragic, really.