Sunday, April 09, 2006

Assvice and rhetorical questions.

1) Leggings are only cute if you weigh ninety pounds. Otherwise, no. Just--NO.

2) A modicum of politeness is really required when you're out in public. Talking loudly on your cell and smacking your gum while the hapless countergirl rings you up? Not polite. Kinda gross, in fact.

3) Boho is a cute trend. I've bought into it. But please, be careful. After ladies reach a certain age, boho tends to translate into "Scary Cat Lady."

4) You know, if I have to chase your kids down in my store, and tell them to stop doing whatever they're doing, because it's dangerous? You may have failed as a parent in some massive way. Also, you may have failed as a human if you can't figure out that letting your two-year-old climb on a shelf in a store is not a good idea. Or if you weren't, you know, looking at her. And especially if you didn't even notice she was gone...

5) Just because I work in retail doesn't make me less of a human, people. In fact, I make pretty good money and I am somewhat intelligent. So don't think you can stand over there and mutter crap to my poor browbeaten associate, because I will take you up sharply, and I don't care who you call. I say everything sweetly and with a smile. "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am, is there a problem?" (big smile) "Oh, gee, that's just terrible," (frowny face) "unfortunately, our policy is such that I can't honor that for you, though I'd be happy to list the alternatives." (big smile) (cringe at expletives) "Well, ma'am, I'm so sorry you feel that way. Would you like the number of my district manager? I'm sure she'd be more than happy to confirm what I've told you here." (and not back down an ounce, bitch)

3 comments:

zeldafitz said...

Ya know, I think I'm borderline scary cat lady. I thought that as I floated along the sidewlak yesterday in my taupe gauzy skirt. I thought, hmmm, freespirited artiste or old bag who's afriad to admit she's past her prime!

Sorry to hear you had the pestilence too. Is it a DC thing or WHAT?

neuroticmommy said...

I totally agree with all of your notes! I've had a few experiences with number 5. While I was in retail and again when Katriana was but a few monthes old. I was nursing and I worked as an evil telemarketer. I could work for 2 hours, go home nurse and go back and work for 2 more hours and I made as much as my hubby made working full-time. Admittedly, most of my co-workers were not people anyone wanted to associate with, but the pay was good and the hours were flexible.

blackbird said...

I'm so with you on the leggings, and the gum, and the rudeness, oh, and, the boho...