Unlike Death Cab, I ~do~ feel different.
Here's the thing. I have issues. Whether you know me IRL, or online, if you knew me ten years ago or if we just spoke ten minutes ago, you know. I am strange. Possibly disturbed, even. And within the last few weeks a lot of things have come to a head and I have found myself wondering exactly where, in the hell, am I headed if I continue just meandering through life this way?
Nowhere good, I tell ya.
So I spoke to some of my friends and I had a couple of talks with my husband and we both agreed that we really need to change our lifestyle, work on being better parents and better partners and better people, and while we've had this discussion before, this time--this time, it feels different. Like it's gonna stick.
So I am sitting here drinking my detox tea, (tastes like ass!) and drumming up the energy to go mop the kitchen floor, because it needs to be done, and I won't be able to do it tomorrow with Leila here.
(This tea, ya'all. It is so bad. Seriously. Ew.)
And I am thinking about the post I almost made last night that was all pitiful and woe-is-me, I've gotten fat and lazy, etc, etc, bodyissuesblahblahblah, and I'm glad I didn't post it, because I decided that I am totally done being some kind of victim of myself. I mean seriously! I am married to a good man! I have a great job! I live in a great city! I have a beautiful daughter! SUCK IT UP, SELF.
We resolved to do a lot of things and I just want to list them here so that I have something to refer to, and then I'm going to finish the laundry, mop the floor, get ready for work, and sign up at the gym. Also, the surgery? It's off. I'm 23, I'm not cutting off my options that way. I got a new doctor, and I'm pretty confident she's going to help me with something besides Percocet and no sympathy.
So, I resolve to:
1) Be a better partner to my husband. This includes doing the things HE wants to do, and not doing the things he doesn't want to do. This includes keeping the house clean and eating dinner together. This includes not complaining nonstop about his family.
2) Be a better mother to my daughter. This includes giving her my undivided attention. This includes more stories, better meals, and more patience. This includes a night-night routine that doesn't vary, so she can be well-rested, even though it might suck for me.
3) Be a better me. This includes healthy eating. This includes going to the doctor and the dentist sometime other than when it's an emergency. This includes drinking lots of water and working out. This includes getting my driver's license even though it scares me.
This includes loving myself, and my family, in an entirely new but incredibly wonderful way.